Really?!

The word echt is used in many ways and has several definitions in the Dutch language but the most common use I’ve noticed is when it means “really.” You can say that is echt super (really super) or echt groot(really big). I prefer it when it’s used kind of like a question or expression of disbelief. The other night I was at a birthday party that consisted of mostly 20 year olds and echt was thrown out several times as if they couldn’t quite believe what I was saying or if they were questioning that a 30 year old can have such experiences (there were a lot of echts after I described my recent jaunt to the large Carnival party in Cologne).  My language buddy also questions me with echts after he says something somewhat complicated, asks if I understand, I say yes, he say’s echt (really?) , and I admit my lie and the fact I have no idea what he’s said.

I bring up the use of echt because we have experienced quite a handful of echt moments ourselves. There has admittedly been some culture shock but after a year I feel I have properly adjusted. A few things in our first year have stood out as being extremely strange (borderline echt) like the chocolate and fruit flavored sprinkles that are regularly eaten on bread for breakfast and/or lunch or amazing like the man moving a couch with his bike. However, these “shocking” things have significantly decreased in the last few months. There has also been a drastic decrease in sudden crying/screaming spells in which it is declared that “This country sucks!” or “Why is everything here so hard?” or “I hate Dutch!” (language not the people, mostly). We’ve adjusted, we go with the flow, and we know more or less what to expect.

                                   Hagelslag

However, the Dutch and their culture continue to give us causes to pause and think or audibly say really?! One such example was a couple of weeks ago when I went to a Dutch acquaintance’s house for our weekly meeting of tea and conversation (in both English and Dutch). This visit was a little special because all four of her children were home for Carnival vacation. It turns out her husband was home sick as well and due to changes in the household routine they were all sitting down to lunch when I arrived. At first I thought it was just the kids finishing up their sandwiches and wasn’t worried. But then I realized they were just beginning and it wasn’t just the kids eating. The family of six was sitting and enjoying bread, things you put on bread, and soup. Oh, and there was me sitting there looking awkward and trying to speak Dutch. I made a comment about coming at a bad time although we both knew we had an afspraak (this means appointment and the Dutch don’t do anything without an appointment. They make appointments to play tennis, to visit friends, and to even see family. Spontaneity is rare and it is bad form to just drop in on someone).  So I sat there and watched them eat and nothing was offered to me. I don’t care about not eating- I had just had lunch at home- but found it extremely odd that there was a table full of food and I wasn’t offered even a drink of water. I come from a family and even a culture that overfeeds guests. For almost an hour I sat and chatted while they all ate. After the table was cleared, I was then offered a cup of tea.

I mentioned this to an American acquaintance who is my knitting guru and who had coincidentally that same week offered to show me some knitting moves and then stated “Oh, and you’re having lunch with us.” She knew of other similar stories. Such as when a Dutch family was babysitting a kid and when dinner time came and the parent hadn’t arrived yet, the child was put in the other room without an offer of anything. All I have to say is- echt?! (I do have to add a disclaimer that I have had meals- planned and spontaneous – at Dutch people’s homes and our hosts have been extremely generous with their hospitality).

Another thing that causes an echt from me is how comfortable the Dutch are with nudity. Yes, I know I was raised in a country that was founded by Puritans who left Europe because of such things as looseness with nudity. Yes, I do think it is strange that the American culture shuns images of nudity but is more comfortable with images of violence (that’s an echt thing in itself). I can’t help it though. Even though I know logically that it is a human body and we all have human bodies, I still get startled with the comforts of nudity here. I’ve accepted that movies shown on television in the evening here don’t blur anything out- I actually prefer to see the movie as it was intended. However, I have to say echt when at 5:15 in the evening a nude woman is bouncing across the screen advertising deodorant. The deodorant either has chemicals that make you shun clothes and prance down a beach in the middle of the day or they are ok with breasts being displayed when you know, kids are still watching TV.

At a routine doctor’s appointment that required disrobing on my part I was taken aback by the doctor’s instructions to undress. I mean, she was still in the room with me and there was no paper robe around. You know those paper robes that barely cover anything and are very uncomfortable as you try to tuck it around to make sure everything that should be covered is covered? Appreciate them because the lack of a paper robe will be greatly noticed. I questioned the doctor. What’s that you say? Get undressed. In my head it went something like this- Echt?! No paper robe? You’re still here. Is this for reals. Ok, how best can I sit on table and maintain some semblance of modesty. I then posed as modestly as I could with only socks on and wondered if I was acting naturally enough.

Gearoid has had his own issues with nudity as well. It makes me giggle a little bit (getting older has not necessarily raised my maturity level) but before and after football (soccer) practice he gets dressed and showers with his teammates. Apparently sports people do this. Never having been a participant of sports I was luckily spared the necessity to disrobe and shower with friendly acquaintances. Gearoid’s echt moment is not so much the nudity but how someone inevitably leaves the door to the locker room open. He finds himself getting undressed or already there and then realizing the locker room door is open. No matter what exclamations he makes or how many times he shuts the door, at some point it will be left open. Passersby, including players’ children, casually walk by an open door that displays men in various stages of nudeness. Echt?!

Some of the things that have happened to us in the last year that were originally echt moments are not so surprising anymore. Such as when I make an embarrassing Dutch mistake (i.e. my Dutch teacher asked if a classmate’s new baby was bald and my response was that I was very blonde as a young child) or when the same organization gives us expats two very different answers/requirements/explanations (i.e. our bank allows Gearoid and me to be on the same account with only one bank card but some friends of ours couldn’t have a joint account without paying for a second bank card). These moments have just become routine and understandable as part of Dutch absurdity now. However, I am fairly certain that despite absurdities becoming familiar to us, there will always be echt moments that keep life interesting.