Rose Monday

It is Carnival season. In the States, I was only aware that Carnival was an actual thing because of Mardi Gras in New Orleans and some brief news reports about Carnival happening in Brazil. Carnival, for those who may not know, is pretty much a big party leading up to Ash Wednesday when Catholics go to church, get a cross made of ash on their forehead, and generally give up something for 40 days until Easter Sunday. That of course is my lapsed Catholic explanation. I’m sure there is a more significant and correct explanation.

The party intensifies the days leading up to Ash Wednesday. Yesterday, we experienced Rose Monday in Cologne Germany. Only an hour and half from us, we rented a car with some friends and made the journey across the border. We parked at a train station outside of the center of town and quickly realized that we were underdressed. We were the only un-costumed people on the platform. We admired a family of polar bears, an assortment of pirates, and some more oddball characters while we tried not to freeze waiting for the train. The polar bears had the right costume idea!

We stopped at this suspicious looking rest stop funnily called "Dong". Inside it was even scarier with a full metal interior and toilet bowls the size of a sink. It really looked like a scene out of a Saw movie.

How do you fix a grumpy, hungry, manhandled Natasha? With a Berliner of course!

These people were literally waiting hours before the parade started. 

The train ride was even more interesting. The costumes continued and we learned that we were not only underdressed but under-boozed (aka sober) as well. The pirate/cowgirl next to us was drinking straight from a bottle of sparkling wine and made sure to finish it before we arrived in the center of town 10 minutes later. During the course of the day we noticed other people with their own bottles of wine, cases of beer, and personal kegs. In case people ran out of things to drink, there were beer and gluhwein tents spread around the city for convenience.

Acrobatic cheerleader

Sometimes I regret my choice to be a vegetarian because this sausage tent smelled delicious!

We had a difficult time in the beginning. The crowds were enormous and despite being before noon, the drinking had been going on for quite awhile. One of the main reasons we decided to visit Cologne on Rose Monday was for the famous parade. However, the parade was designed to trap people and instead of being in a straight line you might be able to avoid, was instead designed like a snake that zigzagged through the city. After our road/train trip, we need a toilet and some lunch. Many places were (smartly) closed and trying to find something was becoming almost impossible. For part of our beginning journey we had no choice but to walk along the parade route. The parade wasn’t supposed to start for another hour and it was the only clear route. Being consistent rule followers, this made Gearoid and me very uncomfortable but the many policemen we passed didn’t seem to mind.

After getting smushed and separated we opted to take a break from the crowds and found a safe place to view the parade. However,  the lure of candy drew us closer.

There seemed to be a theme of noses this year. This float has all kinds of noses (dripping, mustachioed, warty, etc) and other floats had prominent noses as well.

 However, once the parade started our marching along the path and through crowds became impossible. At one point our group of four got separated by pushing crowds and even pushier policemen (they started to mind). After a tense 30 minutes, we regrouped, formed a new plan, and found toilets, lunch, and much needed drinks. After that, we had a great time. We found places along the parade route where the people who had been waiting for hours for the parade to start were more generous with their space. At one point, I was in the front along the parade route. It was both an exhilarating and dangerous place to be.

Up close and personal with the parade, the other parade goers, the candy, and the policemen.

This isn’t an ordinary kind of parade in which one or two floats toss candy. Everyone was throwing candy and flowers and it was a competition to get as much as possible. We saw many people with heavy bags of loot caught from the floats. Our first attempts were not so successful. I managed to pick up one piece of chocolate from the gutter (I have no shame when it comes to candy and plus it was wrapped) but I also exhibited some rare athletic ability by catching a piece in the air before it hit someone’s face (I think in German he was cussing me out for stealing his chocolate but I like to think he was grateful the full bar of chocolate didn’t bounce off his nose.)

It was after these meager candy gatherings when we found the place right in front along the route. Gearoid positioned us in front of an ambulance that was parked nearby so that we could gather candy that bounced off the hood. But that was not enough for his natural competitive edge. Soon he was leaping, jumping, pushing, and calling out kamelle with the other parade goers begging for candy to be thrown. Being not as competitive and scared for my safety, I mostly raised my arms to protect my face and head from elbows and rogue chocolate bars and flower stems. It got to a point where the only candy I caught was when it landed on my head and I pressed my hands to hair to keep it from falling to the ground. That actually yielded quite a bit of chocolate. In the meantime, when he wasn’t preventing me from getting pushed to the ground Gearoid was quite successful at candy collecting (from the air and not the ground!). After an hour or so, we had just as big a bag of loot as others and were exhausted from being manhandled by the crowds and police (they were friendly but grabby).

Our loot

We were all exhausted and decided to visit the cathedral before heading home. Unfortunately, the cathedral was closed, most likely to protect its beauty and sanctity from  the 1.5 million people milling about outside with drinks and costumes. Our plan to return home was confirmed when we simultaneously tried to avoid a vomit spotted sidewalk and a casual football game that was becoming concerningly less casual. Overall, it was a fun and adventurous day that I’m glad to have experienced once and only once in my life.