Big Changes

I apologize to the handful of you that regularly read my blog for slacking off the last couple of weeks. The truth is not much has been going on and at the same time big changes are around the corner. An explanation for the first part of that statement is that day to day life has been pretty boring for us. Gearoid is extremely busy at work and has been bringing some of it home. I have been continuing with my Dutch lessons and finishing an online course that will certify me to teach English. We spend the weekends doing what we would do in the States- laundry, grocery shopping, sleeping in, and too much television watching. On Sundays I also procrastinate to the very last hour to do my Dutch homework. The only “new” thing I have experienced has been attending a couple of Dutch birthday parties in which I promptly received a cup of tea and a piece of cake, handed my phone with Angry birds on it over to an eager 6 year old, and sat awkwardly in a semi-circle of a Dutch speakers who occasionally and kindly asked me a question in English. There have been no day trips or weekend trips outside of Nijmegen. The biggest excitement happening right now in our day to day lives is that Spring is teasing us with glimpses of the sun, crocuses, and a couple of days with temperatures tipping over 60 degrees.

 

That being said, big adventures are coming. Gearoid and I are moving back to Sierra Leone in April for seven months. We will be moving back to the very same town of Makeni that we lived in 3 years ago. Gearoid has been planning to go for a year now to continue his research. I just agreed to go with him two weeks ago. I have been fighting following him back to Africa. I really enjoyed my experience living there in 2008 but it was difficult. Not only the living conditions- no running water or electricity- but the emotional and mental toll it takes on you to see how difficult daily life is and the constant realness in your face every day at every moment. I could deal with the camping like atmosphere again but wasn’t up to seeing abject poverty and starving children and animals each day. However, my options although limitless were also limited. I’m really full of paradoxes!

Gearoid was extremely supportive that I do what I want and what would make me happy. If I had more imagination, time, and means I would have taken him up on that offer. However, I limited myself to the options of staying in the Netherlands by myself, moving back into a parent’s spare room, or following Gearoid. A couple of job interviews in the Netherlands (they ultimately didn’t lead to anything but more interview experience) tempted me to remain here by myself.  Long story short and after months of telling people I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, I chose the one option that I knew in my heart that I would choose all along- Africa. Ultimately I will be more productive there while doing the type of work I enjoy and I will get to see friends that I thought I would never see again.

Funny enough, I now have less than a month to deconstruct everything that I have built up the last year. I’m finished with Dutch classes on April 5^th and have bought some books to continue my studies while overseas. Realistically, we’ll see if my best intentions are carried out. We have to pack up our apartment and move everything to storage, cancel memberships and extract ourselves from commitments we’ve developed for ourselves, say goodbye to new friendships, and deal with a whole new slew of bureaucracies- changing our address, contacting immigration, getting visas, making doctor appointments, and more headache inducing activities.

We’re leaving in 3 weeks and I hope to continue my blog while there. But please know that if my blog is late while in Sierra Leone, it won’t be due to lack of subject matter. It will be because the internet is too slow or not working.  Just a hint of what my life in Sierra Leone will be like. 

Echt?!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the echt moments that have stood out to me about Dutch people and Dutch culture. However, it wouldn’t be fair to not mention some of the things that we (and by we, I mean the American culture and my own personal acts of embarrassment) do that cause people to say really (insert appropriate punctuation!/?).

Let me just preface this by saying that there are many American laws and government practices that the Dutch find absurd and I have to say I agree with them but to avoid a blog ranting about the faults of my home country’s government- I’ll stick to less taboo topics.

·         America does not acknowledgement my relationship with Gearoid. We have been together for over 11 years and because we’re not married we miss out on a lot of benefits that married couples have. (The reasons we’re not married would take several blog entries and multiple visits to a therapist to explain. Let’s just leave it at we’re happy, in love, and committed to each other).  Here we’re recognized as a family of two, have the same insurance benefits, a joint bank account, and my stuff was shipped to the Netherlands with Gearoid’s belongings because we were (are) one household. I’m sure in some areas of the States we can make the above happen but it’s not across the board and it would be difficult. In the States I felt like I didn’t have the right way to label our relationship. Gearoid wasn’t my husband but the term boyfriend seemed too insignificant. If I called him my partner, people in the States assumed we did business together or I was going home to a lady. The Dutch find it absurd that because we’re not married, the US doesn’t recognize us as a family unit. I have to agree.

·         I’ve also gotten a “really?!” when I’ve described the lack of consistent recycling programs across the US. Here, we have four containers in our kitchen and we dutifully separate our glasses, plastics, papers, etc.  In the States, I used to bring items home from work to recycle and my heart cried a little when a tin can was chucked in the trash. I know some places in the States are more stringent about recycling than others but I also know family members who use the recycling bin (that I happened to get for them) to store old shoes.

·         The giant automobiles and the people who love them also cause a really from the Dutch people (except for this guy on my street who surprisingly has a Dodge Ram). I have a Dutch instructor who fancies himself an expert on all things American and lectures at me (in Dutch!) about fossil fuels, cheap solar panels from China, and how America can be better. And why those big automobiles?!

·         They also find it weird that we have marshmallows in our cereal. My only defense against this argument is that they eat sprinkles on bread.

·         I brake for red lights. I always believed red to be a universal color for “stop” but while I’m stopping many Dutch people keep riding on. I know I look ridiculous at a seemingly empty intersection stopped at a red light with no cars or other bikes nearby but on both occasions when I decided to be illegal a car came screeching near me. So I will continue to brake for red lights.

·         I don’t know if my mistakes with the Dutch language cause a strong response from the Dutch but I’m sure they cause giggles. For example, meervoud means “plural” but when I heard it said it sounded like meer fout which means “more wrong” (which is coincidentally incorrect grammar in English and Dutch).  For months, I would ask my teacher the plural forms of words and she would ramble something quickly off in Dutch with meervoud jammed in somewhere. My face smiled, my lips said ok, but in my head I kept asking myself, “How is that more wrong?” I asked my language coach about the meaning of meervoud a couple of weeks ago explaining what I thought it was and he is still laughing at me. At least I know what the Dutch word for plural is now.

·         My Dutch instructor (the American “expert”) recently gave me a lecture on the use of ketchup in America and how it is ridiculous that we use so much of it. It makes me wonder if other Dutch people get so worked up about American condiment choices. Meanwhile, this culture enjoys fries with a big glob of mayonnaise on top.

 

·         My last name is Dutch, possibly Belgian. It’s kind of nice that people know how to spell my last name here whereas in the States it is always spelled incorrectly. The problem is that because my last name is potentially Dutch people assume I’m Dutch. I’m greeted in waiting rooms by doctors, dentists, etc, with a Dutch greeting. I carry on the Dutch greeting until it goes too far and I ask politely if we can speak in English. The response is usually something like this: “Oh, you’re not Dutch? Your last name is Dutch.” “Yes, but I’m American.” “Really? Because your last name is Dutch.” “Um, yes, I’m sure I’m American.”

·         My last name isn’t the only thing that confuses people. People here assume I’m Dutch until I open my mouth. Despite a year of lessons, my Dutch speaking abilities (unlike my reading and writing abilities) are pretty limited. I can understand more than I can speak. There have been many times when someone is prattling off in Dutch to me on the bus or at the grocery store when my smiles, nods, and “ja’s” only get so far and I either receive a “What is wrong with you look?”  or I  have to admit dejectedly that Dutch is not my first language. I receive a pitying smile and a look that dismisses me from social conversation.

I really could go on about how I’ve embarrassed myself in this country like when I crashed my bike by simply turning my head which threw off my balance or how when describing a beer bottle in Dutch I described it as brown meat or how I kept everyone stuck on the train because I forgot (again) that you have to press a button on the door to open it. I could also go on about how American habits and laws cause such disbelief in the Dutch that I am eternally be lectured about how as Americans we are wasteful, shoot people, and have ridiculous legislature. Both lists could really go on forever.  It makes me wonder that if I’m here for another 2, 5, or 10 years if I will still have these lists of how our differing cultures make us pause and ask or exclaim really?!

Really?!

The word echt is used in many ways and has several definitions in the Dutch language but the most common use I’ve noticed is when it means “really.” You can say that is echt super (really super) or echt groot(really big). I prefer it when it’s used kind of like a question or expression of disbelief. The other night I was at a birthday party that consisted of mostly 20 year olds and echt was thrown out several times as if they couldn’t quite believe what I was saying or if they were questioning that a 30 year old can have such experiences (there were a lot of echts after I described my recent jaunt to the large Carnival party in Cologne).  My language buddy also questions me with echts after he says something somewhat complicated, asks if I understand, I say yes, he say’s echt (really?) , and I admit my lie and the fact I have no idea what he’s said.

I bring up the use of echt because we have experienced quite a handful of echt moments ourselves. There has admittedly been some culture shock but after a year I feel I have properly adjusted. A few things in our first year have stood out as being extremely strange (borderline echt) like the chocolate and fruit flavored sprinkles that are regularly eaten on bread for breakfast and/or lunch or amazing like the man moving a couch with his bike. However, these “shocking” things have significantly decreased in the last few months. There has also been a drastic decrease in sudden crying/screaming spells in which it is declared that “This country sucks!” or “Why is everything here so hard?” or “I hate Dutch!” (language not the people, mostly). We’ve adjusted, we go with the flow, and we know more or less what to expect.

                                   Hagelslag

However, the Dutch and their culture continue to give us causes to pause and think or audibly say really?! One such example was a couple of weeks ago when I went to a Dutch acquaintance’s house for our weekly meeting of tea and conversation (in both English and Dutch). This visit was a little special because all four of her children were home for Carnival vacation. It turns out her husband was home sick as well and due to changes in the household routine they were all sitting down to lunch when I arrived. At first I thought it was just the kids finishing up their sandwiches and wasn’t worried. But then I realized they were just beginning and it wasn’t just the kids eating. The family of six was sitting and enjoying bread, things you put on bread, and soup. Oh, and there was me sitting there looking awkward and trying to speak Dutch. I made a comment about coming at a bad time although we both knew we had an afspraak (this means appointment and the Dutch don’t do anything without an appointment. They make appointments to play tennis, to visit friends, and to even see family. Spontaneity is rare and it is bad form to just drop in on someone).  So I sat there and watched them eat and nothing was offered to me. I don’t care about not eating- I had just had lunch at home- but found it extremely odd that there was a table full of food and I wasn’t offered even a drink of water. I come from a family and even a culture that overfeeds guests. For almost an hour I sat and chatted while they all ate. After the table was cleared, I was then offered a cup of tea.

I mentioned this to an American acquaintance who is my knitting guru and who had coincidentally that same week offered to show me some knitting moves and then stated “Oh, and you’re having lunch with us.” She knew of other similar stories. Such as when a Dutch family was babysitting a kid and when dinner time came and the parent hadn’t arrived yet, the child was put in the other room without an offer of anything. All I have to say is- echt?! (I do have to add a disclaimer that I have had meals- planned and spontaneous – at Dutch people’s homes and our hosts have been extremely generous with their hospitality).

Another thing that causes an echt from me is how comfortable the Dutch are with nudity. Yes, I know I was raised in a country that was founded by Puritans who left Europe because of such things as looseness with nudity. Yes, I do think it is strange that the American culture shuns images of nudity but is more comfortable with images of violence (that’s an echt thing in itself). I can’t help it though. Even though I know logically that it is a human body and we all have human bodies, I still get startled with the comforts of nudity here. I’ve accepted that movies shown on television in the evening here don’t blur anything out- I actually prefer to see the movie as it was intended. However, I have to say echt when at 5:15 in the evening a nude woman is bouncing across the screen advertising deodorant. The deodorant either has chemicals that make you shun clothes and prance down a beach in the middle of the day or they are ok with breasts being displayed when you know, kids are still watching TV.

At a routine doctor’s appointment that required disrobing on my part I was taken aback by the doctor’s instructions to undress. I mean, she was still in the room with me and there was no paper robe around. You know those paper robes that barely cover anything and are very uncomfortable as you try to tuck it around to make sure everything that should be covered is covered? Appreciate them because the lack of a paper robe will be greatly noticed. I questioned the doctor. What’s that you say? Get undressed. In my head it went something like this- Echt?! No paper robe? You’re still here. Is this for reals. Ok, how best can I sit on table and maintain some semblance of modesty. I then posed as modestly as I could with only socks on and wondered if I was acting naturally enough.

Gearoid has had his own issues with nudity as well. It makes me giggle a little bit (getting older has not necessarily raised my maturity level) but before and after football (soccer) practice he gets dressed and showers with his teammates. Apparently sports people do this. Never having been a participant of sports I was luckily spared the necessity to disrobe and shower with friendly acquaintances. Gearoid’s echt moment is not so much the nudity but how someone inevitably leaves the door to the locker room open. He finds himself getting undressed or already there and then realizing the locker room door is open. No matter what exclamations he makes or how many times he shuts the door, at some point it will be left open. Passersby, including players’ children, casually walk by an open door that displays men in various stages of nudeness. Echt?!

Some of the things that have happened to us in the last year that were originally echt moments are not so surprising anymore. Such as when I make an embarrassing Dutch mistake (i.e. my Dutch teacher asked if a classmate’s new baby was bald and my response was that I was very blonde as a young child) or when the same organization gives us expats two very different answers/requirements/explanations (i.e. our bank allows Gearoid and me to be on the same account with only one bank card but some friends of ours couldn’t have a joint account without paying for a second bank card). These moments have just become routine and understandable as part of Dutch absurdity now. However, I am fairly certain that despite absurdities becoming familiar to us, there will always be echt moments that keep life interesting.