Using the Language

I am about 8 months into my Dutch language lessons and I still have a long way to go. I would have to say that learning Dutch is similar to my marathon training. I can run 10 miles much easier than I could 8 months ago but the thought of running 26.2 miles is still very overwhelming.  A full on Dutch conversation outside of the safety of my classroom (and even scarier- over the phone!) terrifies me. However, hearing me speak Dutch 8 months ago is a completely different experience than it is now. Now people understand me or at least pretend convincingly that they do.

I’m not without my mistakes though and have recently proven that I can embarrass myself quite well.

I won’t go into the Dutch specifics but will give you the English version summaries of what has happened.

1)      My landlady asked me if I was ready to go to Ikea with her. My response was that I was ready but apparently my word choice indicated that I was “sexually ready”. My fifty-something year old landlady and the teenage boys working in her garden found that pretty amusing.

2)      We recently learned some new verbs and were using them in class. I said “I believe (classmate’s name) can dance.” My teacher and a fellow student started cracking up and asked if I really “believed” this. Yes, I stringently argued, “I believe (classmate’s name) can dance.” The classmate who I believed could dance smiled at me. I figured out a week later when reviewing vocabulary that apparently “I promised (classmate’s name) could dance.”

3)      Schoon means clean and schoen means shoe.  Maker means maker. My language coach differentiated the two for me last week when working on my pronunciation of the sch sound (although I can’t hear it, apparently it sounds completely different than how I say it). After realizing the difference in the words I commented “Oh, that makes sense. I was wondering why Nijmegen had so many shoemakers.” Nijmegen instead has a lot of schoonmakers (cleaners).

4)      I don’t even remember what word I was asking my Dutch friend the meaning of. However, when I said it her eyes widened and she asked me to repeat myself and give her the English meaning of the word I was trying to say. She laughed and gave me the correct pronunciation and said the first word I said was the Dutch word for sperm. This brings up the question of whether my Dutch thoughts automatically go in the gutter or if a large percentage of their words have promiscuous meanings.

These are the most amusing anecdotes that have happened lately. On a daily basis though I embarrass myself as I juggle the rules of inversion * (see footnote), try to use the right verb tense and vocabulary when constructing a sentence, and attempt to say whatever I’m trying to say at a normal adult speed when making conversation. My mind has developed a slower less accurate version of Google translate. I am excellent when talking about the weather but more meaningful conversations contain a new language coined by another American called “nengels”- half nederlands and half English. I have developed a habit of starting a sentence in Dutch and finishing it English. Many people I know are determined to speak Dutch with me. However, although I’ve never considered myself particularly charming (all three of my brothers inherited that trait), I manage to seduce my acquaintances into English conversations. It starts with a grammatical question that is too difficult to explain/understand in Dutch but ends with anecdotes in English about their children, vacations, recipes, etc. Even my language buddy with who I meet with once a week to specifically speak Dutch, can’t resist my English language charms. I don’t mean to do it because I don’t want to hurt my language acquisition but I guess I want more meaningful conversations in my life.

Speaking of my language buddy, he stopped our Dutch conversation mid-stream and interrupted me in English. “We have to work on your pronunciation. It is horrible.” Pause “You don’t mind that I said that, do you?” Of course not- I embarrass myself enough with my word choices. I don’t need to do it as well with horrible pronunciation.

*The Dutch language includes all kinds of inversion when constructing sentences. There are 101 different situations that dictate whether the verb comes before the subject or if the verb is at the end of the sentence. It literally gives me a headache and on two occasions brought me to tears.